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To Sam

My Sister

My sister is pregnant-I couldn't be more happy for her. She's having a baby boy and I will be a young auntie-and while I can't wait and am excited by the whole matter, there's other issues cropping up too.
My sister will not stop being moody with me. She's not home a lot as she's at university, so when I do see her I have to make the most of it as she could be away for months.
What upsets me most is when I say something as little as 'hi' to her or I'm simply just asking her a question, she responds with a single word (with a very grumpy tone too) or she just doesn't even reply to me.
I understand that when you're pregnant, you get mood swings and your hormones are crazy so I get her, in a way. But the thing is, me and my mother will be in the same room as her-and she'll be all happy with my mother-and nasty to me.
I've tried talking to my sister about it, but everytime I bring it up she makes it out as if it's my fault. For example, she'll say something like "You didn't come down and say hi to me, so why should I be nice?", little does she realise I don't come down to see her as I feel she doesn't want me here.
I've tried talking to my mum about it too-but she's useless. I feel as if she always tries to stick up for her and not me. And I get that she's pregnant and hormonal, I've been told it a thousand times-but I feel there's no excuse to be almost permenantly moody.
I've tried talking to my dad too, and he understands, but nothing has happened to make her improve her attitude with me. I also feel terribly left out, because my sister and my mum always talk and do things together and I feel isolated and on my own.
So could you help me Sam? I'm sorry for such a long letter but I do hope you understand.
Ask Sam



Thank you for writing to me. It sounds like you’re excited to be an auntie, but are also upset by your sister’s behaviour.

I can hear that you want to make the most of your time with your sister when she’s at home because she spends a lot of time at university. From what you have said, you’re aware her moods may be partly down to her pregnancy but you can't understand why she behaves differently to you than she does to your mum. I can hear that some of the things she sometimes says to you can hurt your feelings.

It’s great that you’ve been able to talk to your mum and dad about how all of this is making you feel. Your feelings are very important and you deserve to be supported. I imagine it’s frustrating to feel like talking about things hasn’t changed your sister’s moodiness.

Maybe you could try suggesting to your sister that you spend time with one another. You could offer to do something helpful, like shopping for baby items. Or you could suggest doing fun things that you may have done together in the past. Having time alone with your sister may also give you the opportunity to talk to each other about how you both feel.

Unfortunately, sometimes it’s just not possible to change other people’s behaviour, no matter how upsetting we find it. It might be that your sister has just got too much on her mind at the moment, and really needs some extra support from your mum. Expecting a baby can be a exciting time, but sometimes it can be scary and stressful too. That doesn’t make it ok for your sister to be moody with you, but it might help you understand why she is being that way at the moment.

Feeling lonely and excluded from the time your sister and mum spend together seems to be having a big impact on you. It can be normal to feel lonely and lots of people can experience this from time to time. You might want to have a look at the loneliness page in Explore for more information about this feeling. Maybe you could try talking to your parents about starting a new hobby, or joining a club or class, or arranging to see more of your friends outside school time.

If you would like to talk more about your feelings you may like to consider speaking with one of the counsellors at ChildLine. You can get in touch by calling 0800 1111. It’s a free call and won’t show up on your bill.

Take care,


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