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Asker

To Sam

My mom

Iv never really had a real mum. I know that sounds stupid to many people, but to call someone mum just sounds odd. I have tried to stay in contact and make things work, but she always lets me down. I just want to be normal. I want a normal family, with a mum and dad. That love each other, and love me! I hate it not having a mum, I get picked on, "adopted" "no mum" and it really get me down. I just want her to be there for me, to be happy that I have done good in my exams, to go shopping with, to tell her all about the boys that I like. I hate my life. Recently I have started to let it get on top off me. I can't cope. I need help.
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Sam

Hi,

Thanks for your letter and well done for writing it. It’s so brave of you to share how you feel with me. Your feelings aren’t stupid at all, they’re very important and you deserve to be listened to.

It’s natural for you to want to feel loved by your mum. It sounds as though you try really hard to make things better between you and her but it doesn’t work. Relationships need both people to work on them and won’t work if only one person is really trying. It can be really hurtful when a relationship with a parent is unsupportive. I want you to know that this is not your fault and you don’t deserve this. It also doesn’t mean that other people will treat you the same way.

No family is ever totally ‘normal’ but I can hear that feeling more ‘normal’ is something you desperately want. You seem to have so many painful emotions and I can hear how much you want your mum to be there for you.

It feels really unfair that you’re having to cope with other people’s mean comments on top of everything else. Picking on you and saying things that get you down are both forms of bullying. You might find it helpful to read the Bullying pages in Explore to get some ideas about what you can do to get help. The bullying shouldn’t be happening and it needs to stop.

It sounds as if you’d like some support with everything right now. When things get on top of us it is easy to feel we can’t cope. Sometimes it just means that we need help from someone else and that’s okay. We all need help sometimes and it asking for the help you need is a strong, and positive step to take. You’ve already taken the first step by writing to me. You might also want to think about who else in your life could support you with some of the things on your mind.

Something else you could do is talk to a ChildLine counsellor, they are there to support you. You can send an email, have a 1-2-1 chat online or call on the phone on 0800 1111. Just so you know, if you do call ChildLine it’s free from any phone – including your mobile or a phone box – and it doesn’t show up on any phone bills either. I really hope this is helpful to you.

Take care,

Sam

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