Ask Sam letter


To Sam

My boyfriend was gay

I recently came out of relationship. We both broke up because he told me that he was gay. Everyone at school says that I'm the one that turned him gay. I feel so stupid for going out with him. I've lost all respect for myself, even though he was the one who decided his sexual orientation i'm getting the blame. I feel like I can't go to school anymore. It's getting worse by the day, I can't go on anymore, I hope you can help me.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for writing to me. It sounds like you have had a difficult time recently. It's really unfair of people in school to say you turned your ex-boyfriend gay. That could hurt you, your ex and anyone else in school that is worried or unsure about their sexuality. Being hurtful towards others because of their sexuality is a type of bullying and it is always wrong.

Relationships ending can be really difficult even if it is something you both want. It's important to give yourself time and focus on yourself for a while. Some people find distracting themselves with books, films or music can be helpful - or perhaps arranging a day out with close friends or family.

I can hear that what has happened with your ex has had a real impact on your own wellbeing and you may have lost respect for yourself. I'm concerned to hear that you're feeling worse each day and you feel like you can't go on anymore. This is something that I hope you might be able to talk to a trusted adult or Childline counsellor about. Talking about your feelings and asking for help is a really positive step and something that we want to support you with.

It's important to remember that sexuality is a part of who we are and for some people it takes longer to recognise and feel comfortable with their own sexuality. You can't change someone else's sexual orientation and it is not okay that people in school are saying you did. You might find our page on sexual identity useful or you could have a look at the message boards. There are threads about sexuality, relationships and bullying, you may find that other young people have some great advice for you.

If you want any more help please think about talking to a counsellor here. Childline is here to support you.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter