Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

My best friend died.

So back in December my best friend ended her life and it physically and mentally broke me, I almost tried to myself.

I haven't really coped with the loss and non of my friends understand and nor do my family and it hurts because she meant the world to me and seems like nothing to them.

I just want to remember her as a beautiful, funny, smart girl and when I grieve to remind myself of that but I don't know how to and with friends and family being unsuppostive I'm stuck in this alone.

Please help,

Thank you

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter.

You’ve expressed to me really clearly the pain you are experiencing since losing your friend. It sounds so difficult to feel that people around you don't understand. You’ve done really well to ask for help in your letter.

I can hear that you are finding it difficult to know how to grieve for your friend. It’s good to hear you want to remember all her positive qualities. I want to let you know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve as it’s a very individual process. Nobody can say how long it will take before you feel more able to accept your loss. That’s different for everyone too. 

It’s important to remember that grief is personal and you will feel it differently and perhaps longer than other people. Sometimes the people around us find it hard to know what to do or say to help. That doesn't mean that they don't care.

Some people find that making a memory box for the person who has died can be helpful. They can then look through it when they want to remember. If that’s something you might like to try, you could include things like pictures, music, and jewellery - anything that reminds you of your smart, beautiful and funny friend.

We have a page with advice on what to do when someone close to you dies. You also might find it useful to look at RD4U, which is a website offering support for bereaved young people. RD4U has a message board where young people can talk to one another and somewhere to upload poems and stories. Another good site is Winston’s Wish, which includes some really good ideas of ways to remember someone who has died.

It sounds like you are feeling really alone but I want you to know that there's support out there for you. The ChildLine counsellors are always there to listen to you. You can phone them free on 0800 1111, send an email or log on for a 1-2-1 chat. You could also visit or post on the message boards where other young people share their experiences and ways they have found to cope.

Take care,
Sam

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