Ask Sam letter


To Sam

losing both parents within a week of each other


i lost my mam to cancer last week and now ive lost my dad as well through suicide. My 5 year old sister thinks it was because he didn't love us and ive tried to explain it wasn't because of that. We are living with my aunt and shes been great with us but its not the same as been with my parents. People in the street keep bullying me for losing my mam and dad and ive tried to kill myself ive promised my aunt i wi talk to her fro. Now on. Im finding it really hard to talk about my parents to my aunt. I feel like i am letting my mam and dad down. Everytime i try and talk about them to my aunt i break down and i cant talk about them. I want to be able to talk about them

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for your message and telling me how things are for you. I can hear that you and your sister are going through a very difficult time at the moment.

It’s great that you‘re being really supportive towards your sister, especially as she seems to think that your dad committed suicide because he did not love you. It seems that you have a much better understanding of what happened and are reassuring her, which is really good to hear. However, your thoughts and feelings are also very important and you do deserve to be listened to and supported. You might want to think about who you could speak to for support.

I can hear that you have tried to talk to your aunt about your parents but you break down. This is a completely natural reaction to have, especially as your emotions will be so raw. If you want to talk about your parents and are finding it hard to start the conversation with your aunt face to face, then perhaps you could write her a letter about your thoughts and feelings and the things that you are going through. You could tell her about the bullying that you have experienced. No one has the right to hurt you or make you feel bad. You don't have to deal with it alone - talking to someone about it can often really help.

One part of coming to terms with death is learning to think about the good memories we have of the person we’ve lost. It may hurt to think about someone who’s died and you might not want to remember them because it will upset you. But don’t worry, in time it will get easier to treasure the memories you have of that person. You could keep the good memories of your parents alive by making a memory box where you can put photos, stories or any items that help remind you of your parents.

Many young people have written about their losses and how they have been coping on the bereavement message board which you may find comforting.

You are also very welcome to speak to a ChildLine counsellor. It is a safe place for you to come and talk about all of your thoughts and feelings as well as your memories of your dad. You can call on 0800 1111 or, if you'd prefer to write, you can send an email or log on for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter