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To Sam

lonliness

I am a 16 year old girl just striving for someone to listen to me someone who  can understand the way I'm feeling because I feel extremely lonely which is weird because my family and I are really close I don't understand what is wrong with me I just want someone to tell me that life isn't hard when it is I feel so much pressure now that I'm going into my junior year in high school and still don't know what I want to do and I feel like I'm disappointing everyone because they expect so much from me and they never ask if it's even hard its come to the point where I really want to give up in life and take the easy way out but for some reason I can't and so I've become this emotionless person but I desperately want someone to understand me because I'm terrified of growing up can you please help?
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter.

It can be a real struggle to deal with problems on your own and you’ve done well to ask for support. It sounds like some of the people in your life might have assumed that things are okay for you but it’s alright to let them know that you’re struggling. Everybody needs support at some time in their life and it can really help to reach out to somebody you trust.

You and your family sound as though you have a good relationship and it seems as though you’d really like to be able to let them know how you’re feeling. Perhaps you could practise telling them by writing down what you’d like to say. You could even give them what you’ve written if you feel that would help to open up the conversation. Many young people have told me they find practising things like this beforehand really helpful.

Please remember that ChildLine can always be there for you as well. Our counsellors want to listen and support you. They will take the time to understand what life is like for you. Talking things through could help you understand everything better too.

I can hear that you’re feeling under a lot of pressure about your next year at school and you seem as though you’re trying to make an important decision. Sometimes problems all mix together and feel like one big, overwhelming problem, so it can help to try and sort them out one by one. Making a list of each worry can help so that you can deal with things one step at a time.

I noticed that you said that you feel like you’re disappointing other people. If you think about what you’d like for your future, rather than what others expect, what would you choose to do? Have a think about what’s important to you and what support you need so that you can be happy. 

The idea of growing up sounds really frightening for you and I get the feeling that you’re worried about what will be expected of you as you get older. Remember that life comes one day at a time. You don’t have to make changes in your life overnight or do things on your own. Whatever age you are, you can ask for support.

I’m concerned that you’re thinking of giving up on life. I’m not sure whether you mean that you’ve been thinking about suicide but if you’re having thoughts about ending your life, it’s a good idea not to keep the thoughts to yourself. If you’re ever feeling in danger of causing harm to yourself, remember that you can call 999 for emergency help. You can always contact a ChildLine counsellor about how you're feeling too.  

You mentioned that you’ve become emotionless. From what you’ve told me, you’re coping with a lot of emotions inside but you’re trying to hide them from others in your life. Maybe you could find a way of expressing your feelings so that they’re not all trapped inside. You could try out some of our games, which are designed to help you let out your feelings.

You might also find it helpful to use the ChildLine message boards and discuss your experience of growing up with other young people. Sometimes we assume that other people in our lives don’t have similar worries because they don’t talk about them. It can help to know that you’re not alone.

Thank you for writing to me. It can take a lot of courage to speak out and there will be other young people reading who also realise that they’re not alone in how they feel. If you ever need to talk, remember that you can talk to ChildLine counsellors by calling 0800 1111, sending an email or logging on for a 1-2-1 chat.

I hope that you get the help you need.

Take care,
Sam

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