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To Sam

I lie to everyone

Ive been lying to an awful lot of people i really want to stop but i cant ive been lying like this for almost 2 years now and there is nothing i would like more than to stop, id lie about beurrevement disorders heart conditions everything its ruined my most recient relationship and ill never be forgiven for it in her own words i feel like and have been called a monster because im trying to admit to lies ive told, i cant cope with this relationship ending aswell as a result i self harmed also today not too much just on my legs about 5 times i dont ever want to hurt anyone again, it results in me getting hurt roght back when im caught for lying
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Sam

Hello,

Thank you for your letter. It takes a lot of courage to write something so honest.

It can be tough to think about your own behaviour and to realise the impact this can have on others around you. Having awareness of how you feel about what’s happening can be the first step in recognising what changes you want to make. It’s really positive that you are reaching out for support.

You’re finding it very hard to be truthful, even though I can hear you want to stop saying things that aren't true. Sometimes we can repeat certain patterns or behaviours without being sure why we might be doing something. I get the sense you feel stuck and want to break out of this cycle.

It can be upsetting to feel a relationship has been affected by something you have said or done. It’s a huge thing to admit when mistakes have been made and it seems this is something you’re trying to take responsibility for. Everyone makes mistakes and this doesn’t make you a bad person. Making mistakes gives us the opportunity to learn and grow from them.

Some people may not always understand or be able to forgive what has happened, but making changes now can give you more control over what happens in your future relationships.

It might help for you to try and understand more about what makes you say things that are not true. Sometimes people say things because they want a certain response from someone, such as feeling cared for.

If it’s too hard not to tell any lie at all, then one idea might be to write down two separate lists. On one list you could write down everything that was a lie, and on the other list you could write down everything that was true. You could think about how each lie could make someone else feel if you shared this with them and how hurt you might feel as a result.

You can talk this through some more with a ChildLine counsellor, who wouldn't judge you.

You mentioned this situation has meant you have self-harmed. It’s important to think about what safe ways you can cope with these difficult emotions. You might want to have a look at the Self-harm coping strategies page for extra support on keeping yourself safe. 

Remember this is not something you have to go through on your own.

I hope this letter helps.

Take care,
Sam

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