Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Hi, I have been self harming for nearly a year. I have lots of scars and my mum found out about them. I do it because i hate myself and the way I look. Since she found out, mum has been acting so weird around me. I know she is dissapointed.. becuase now she knows i'm not perfect and that i'm a failure. I don't know why I am here..

I would juust like someone to talk to . I feel so alone and numb all the time. Thanks :(

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for writing to me at what sounds like a difficult time for you. I know it isn’t always easy to talk but you have done really well explaining how things are for you.

From what you’ve said, it sounds like you’re really struggling to have confidence in yourself at the moment. I want you to know that you are not alone in the way you feel. Many other young people will have experienced similar feelings at some time and many young people will self-harm at some point. That doesn’t make you a failure or a disappointment. Hard as it feels at the moment, it is possible to make changes in your life that will help you feel happier and more confident.

When you’ve been feeling bad about yourself for a long time, it becomes like a habit that is hard to break. You can get used to only seeing and hearing the negative things about yourself. Over time, you need to take small steps to help yourself take note of the positives as well. Maybe you could try keeping a notebook where you write down anything that you think you did well at, or anything nice that anyone says or does for you. There are some more tips on ways to boost your confidence and self-esteem page.

You mention that you have been self-harming for some time as a way of coping with your negative feelings. It is important to take care of yourself by keeping your wounds clean from infection. If you ever need immediate medical help after self-harming, it’s really important that you get that support, either from a trusted adult or by calling 999. There are some ideas around alternative ways to cope with strong feelings on the Self-harm page in Explore that you may find helpful. Alternatively, you could have a look at the message boards where other young people have written about their own experiences and shared ideas on how they coped.

It seems like your relationship with mum at the moment is something else that is important to you. Maybe you could talk to another trusted adult about how you feel so that they can support you to work things out with her. You could also talk to a ChildLine counsellor who will listen and support you to make changes in your life to help you feel better about things. You can contact them through the helpline on 0800 1111 (it’s completely free and won’t show up on the phone bill) or by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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