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Depression after my mum died

Hi sam
im j...! My mum died just under 2 years ago however I am struggling a lot I am been bullied at school about it and I can't be positive. I am so angry that she has died and I have to stay strong but I don't know how to. I want to be able to say good bye. I need closure and to make sure that she is not mad at me. It may sound pathetic but I want her back more than anything and I'm been pressured into forgetting her. Please help me Sam
yours sincerely j...
Ask Sam


Hey there,

Thank you for your message.

Losing someone close to you is one of the hardest things in life to cope with and it can lead to all kinds of different feelings. Some of those feelings are very difficult to deal with and they can seem quite overwhelming at times, but they are a normal part of the grieving process. If you are angry with yourself, or with everyone and everything, then you are certainly not alone. Feeling angry is very much a natural reaction to loss.

There is no right or wrong way to feel. There's also no “proper” time scale for when people might start to feel better. Different people react and cope in different ways. You will know how you feel and nobody else can tell you what you should be feeling.

One way of remembering your mother might be to put together a memory box, with photos, gifts or other special things that would help you to hold on to the good things that you remember about her. 

You say that you need to make sure that your mother is not mad at you. It sounds like you are in some way blaming yourself for what has happened. This can also be a natural feeling, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

It is important that you try to look after yourself through all this and to be kind to yourself. Nobody can feel strong all the time or stay positive throughout everything that happens. There is no need to hurry your feelings along and try to put pressure on yourself to feel “better” – it can take time for things to feel more settled.

Some people find that talking about how they are feeling helps them to cope, but when someone dies this may be difficult to do if the people closest to you are also affected by the loss. You can always talk to ChildLine, if that would be helpful.  If you would like to talk to a counsellor, you can phone ChildLine free on 0800 1111, or send us an email or log in for a 1-2-1 chat. The counsellors are there to listen to you and support you.

You might also like to take a look at our page called when someone dies, or look at the message boards and see what other young people have said about how they have coped with the loss of a loved one. 

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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