Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

For lots of young people, it can take time move away from self-harm. Changing any kind of behaviour takes effort, and it’s natural to have times when it’s harder to feel motivated to change things.

When you’re thinking about changing any behaviour you’ll often go through different stages:

1. Not thinking about a change
2. Wanting to make a change, but not being sure of how to do it
3. Starting to make small changes to get ready for larger ones
4. Taking action to make changes
5. Avoiding previous behaviours
6. Relapses

These stages can take different lengths of time and it’s natural for people to slip back to earlier stages as they try to move forward. It may be that you’ve had a set-back in something you’ve tried, or it just feels like too much right now. Even when you go back to an earlier stage, it can help to remember the progress you’ve made in the past. Remember, change can only happen when you’re ready.

Letting go of self-harm can feel scary, even if it’s for the better. It can be good to think about the things that get in the way of you stopping self-harm, and what you could do to make it easier. This could be something you talk about with other young people on the message boards, or even with a Childline counsellor.

Even if you’re not ready to stop self-harming, you can still do other things to cope alongside it. When you’re thinking about alternatives, try to view them as something you can do as well as self-harming. Having different techniques you use at different times can make you feel like you’re relying on self-harm less, even when you’ve not let go of it.

When you are next feeling motivated, it can help to create reminders for yourself of what you want to do. You could write notes or letters to yourself, or even have a plan of ways to cope.

Take care,

Sam