Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Hi Sam,
I hate coming home for Christmas because it means that i have to be at home with my sister and dad. They are very alike and always get so angry and turn against me, my dad even hit me once. My mum and dad love each other but when they argue its terrifying! I used to cry when it came to the end of the day at school because i hated coming home to the shouting. I care less now but I still stay behind at school when possible. How do i cope for the next few weeks without arguments- I HATE THE SHOUTING!
Ask Sam



Thanks for your letter. It sounds like Christmas is a really tough time for you. Hearing people in your family arguing and fighting can be very frightening. It sounds like you’ve had to take steps to avoid having to listen to the arguments, like coming home late from school. Home is supposed to be a place where you feel safe and happy and from what you’ve told me, that’s not happening at the moment.

You also told me that your dad hit you. It’s never okay for an adult to hit you and it’s very important that you know that it’s not your fault. As an adult it’s your dad’s responsibility to take care of you and make sure you are safe and hitting you shouldn’t be a part of that. You might find it helpful to read the information about family relationships  and physical abuse in Explore.

I wonder if you have ever been able to tell your mum or your dad how you’re feeling about the arguments? You haven’t told me what your relationship with your parents is usually like, and I wonder if you think it would be safe to talk to one of them about what things have been like for you. You did a really good job describing how you’re feeling in your letter to me, so perhaps you could think about writing to mum or dad. Writing a letter can be a really good way of letting someone know how you are feeling, without them being able to interrupt you. If you don’t think you can talk to your parents, could you think of anyone else in your family you might be able to talk to?

You mentioned that you spend a lot of time in school – another idea could be to talk to a teacher about this. I know it can be hard to talk about what happens at home, but you deserve to get support. Your parents might not understand how much this is affecting you and they might need help to change the way they do things too. Getting help can be good for all of you.

Maybe you can have a think about all of this and decide what to do. Please remember too that the counsellors at Childline are here for you. You can talk more about this with a counsellor by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat or you can call 0800 1111, whatever makes you feel most comfortable. You don’t have to go through this all on your own.

Take care,


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter