Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thanks for writing to me about your brother. I can hear that you’re really concerned about him. It seems like you’re most worried about the possibility that he might be gay because you believe your religion isn’t accepting of people who aren’t heterosexual. I can hear that you care very much about your brother and I wonder how you would feel if he wasn’t accepted by your family or community. It would also be very difficult for him too.

The thing that concerned me most when I was reading your letter was that you said your brother has tried to get your younger brother to touch him in a sexual way. You don’t tell me exactly what happened at that time or how old your brother is, but sometimes when children are very young and don’t know The Underwear Rule, they might touch each other as a way of exploring their bodies. When this happens, it often isn’t sexual but can be a way of learning about their bodies.

However, if your brother is old enough to understand that it’s not okay to try to make any child touch you in private places in any way, then what he’s doing could be sexual abuse. This really does depend on what you mean by touching in "a sexual way".

I don’t know any details about what’s happened or how old your brothers are, so I can’t give you any definite answers. I’d really encourage you to contact a ChildLine counsellor about this issue. They’d probably ask you some more details about what happened and how old your brothers are. They can help you think about what support might be available for you and your brothers.

The counsellors are there to listen to you and to support you. You can contact ChildLine at any time of day either on the phone, via a 1-2-1 chat or by email. Whatever works best for you is fine with them and they would also support your brother if he ever wanted to talk. Calls are confidential and the counsellor will be happy to explain more about this to you.

Take care and thanks for getting in touch.

Sam