Ask Sam letter


To Sam

who am i

I don't know who I am any more recently I have discovered that I am getting feelings for girls and being a girl myself I am finding it hard I don't know who to talk to and i don't want my parents to disown me
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Sexual orientation is about who you are physically, sexually and emotionally attracted to. Some people know these feelings at an early age but for others it might take longer to work out and sometimes it can change over time. There are no set rules as everyone is different, and you don’t have to feel rushed or under pressure to make a decision or to give yourself a label.

Sexuality can be categorised into many different types. Some of these include gay, lesbian or bisexual (LGB). A gay person is someone who fancies people who are the same gender as them. Lesbian is a word describing gay women. Bisexual people fancy both men and women. There is more information about sexual orientation, including other kinds of sexuality on our Sexuality page.

Telling someone else about your sexuality can be scary because you might be worried about how other people will react. Sometimes people do have negative views on others being LGB, or might use it to bully people or to discriminate against them. A first step in working towards telling other people is about accepting that you are LGB or one of the other categories, and then working out who you feel comfortable telling and what you feel comfortable saying. 

Some people find that not telling other people and having to keep their sexuality a secret causes them a lot of pressure and makes them uncomfortable and isolated because they are unable to be honest about who they are. You have to balance that with feeling safe telling someone else and being able to cope with their reactions — which might be supportive, surprised, or shocked. 

It can take people a bit of time to come to terms with what you might tell them and it’s important to realise that their first reaction might not really be how they will feel as time goes on. You will be the same person before and after you come out, and your friends and family hopefully will accept that.

You have done really well to tell me about your feelings — it was a brave step to take. If you would like more help and support, or even just to have someone to practise talking to about it, you could talk to a ChildLine counsellor. You might also like to check out the message boards to see how other people are coping and supporting each other with LGB issues.

Take care for now,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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