Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Self Esteem

Umm this is the first time I've ever done this. Hi Sam im 14 and i hate myself. I look at all of my friends and i see how pretty and thin they are. Then i look at myself and I'm slightly taller and bigger. I can't wear the things that they wear. I dont have a flat stomach or the correct amount of "curve". Im tired of it. Im tired of hating myself so much. I want to be thin and beautiful. I dont want to be embarrassed about wear a two peice bathing suit because my body is ugly. Im tired of even my friends saying that they're fat just to make me feel better about myself when i know its a lie. Im just...tired...of it all. Of how fat i am, the names that people i don't even know call me (like fat whore and stupid fat emo girl) im tired of being fat. Im tired of it. I just want it to stop. Any advice? T
Ask Sam


Hi there,

I can hear you want to change some things about yourself but it’s important to know that everyone is different. Our differences make us who we are.

It's normal to worry about the way you look. But there are some things you can do to build your confidence. Try listing some things you like about yourself. Once you start, you're more likely to notice even more positive things about who you are. You could try doing something new for the first time. Even if it's just answering more questions out loud in class, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone a bit can really help. Check out more tips on building your confidence and self-esteem.

It's wrong of people to call you names. This is bullying. It shouldn't be happening. Bullying can knock your confidence and make you believe that what they are saying is true  - even though it isn’t true.

If people are calling you names at school, you could speak to a teacher about this. Every school should have an anti-bullying policy. A teacher can help make bullying stop.

I know you feel like your friends say they are fat to make you feel better, but we all have things about our bodies we are not happy with. While you may not think they are fat, they could be unhappy with their body just like you. A lot of people want to be taller - this could be one of the things that your friends think is great about you. Perhaps you could talk to your friends for some support with how you are feeling.

Unless a doctor says otherwise, you do not need to lose weight. If you decide to change some things about your body it is important that you do this because you want to, not because of things other people say. If losing weight is something you want to do, you could speak to a trusted adult or your doctor for advice on how to do this healthily. They will be able to help you with things like diet and exercise.
If you would like to talk about this some more you can always speak to one of our counsellors on 1-2-1 chat or by calling on 0800 1111.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter