Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter. I can see how upsetting it’s been that people have been making fun of you for how you look. It’s never okay for someone to judge you purely by your appearance and it’s definitely not okay to make fun of you for it. I’m worried that it’s left you feeling ashamed and like you’re not normal because you should never be made to feel that way about your looks.

Lots of young people have trouble accepting all the parts of their body. There can always be parts that you feel like you don’t like or that you’d even want to change. But it’s important to remember that when it comes to looks, there really isn’t a “normal look” - just different people who look different to each other. Sometimes when you’re thinking about a particular part of yourself that you don’t like, whether that’s your nose, your ears or anything else, it can sometimes be hard to remember just how much else there is about you.

For example when you wrote to me, what I saw wasn’t somebody who’s ugly, but someone who’s had the courage to be honest about how they feel. You can build up your confidence by really thinking about what you like about yourself. That could be something you like about yourself physically, it could be something you’re good at or it might be about your personality. It can even help to stand in the mirror once a day to really look and focus on one thing you like about yourself.

It sounds like a lot of this started to get to you when other people started making fun of your nose and your ears. When people go out of their way to make you feel bad about yourself, what they are doing is a form of bullying. Nobody has the right to do this to you. You could take a look at the bullying page in the Explore section for more information and advice. It can be good to remember that often the people bullying you about your looks are as worried about their own appearance as you are.

Different young people find that different things work for them when they’re trying to stop bullying. If it’s happening in school, the school have a duty to make sure that it stops. Talking to a teacher or another adult you trust is a good way of making sure that the school knows what’s going on.

When it’s happening it can help to have a think about how you’d most like to react to it. The being assertive page would be a really good place to start for ideas on how you could respond. It would be really good as well to take a look at the bullying message boards, where loads of young people are talking about how they’ve dealt with people bullying them too.

Remember that no matter what you’re feeling, you can also talk to a ChildLine counsellor. ChildLine counsellors are there for you 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. They can talk to you about anything that might be happening and can help you think about what you would like to happen in the future. You can contact them by calling for free on 0800 1111, logging on for a 1-2-1 chat (which works like instant messenger) or even by emailing them through the website.

Take care,

Sam