I apologize in advance if I put this under the wrong topic, I wasn't too sure where it'd go.
I don't know why, but since I was young I've always visioned myself with a major disability. I used to always think about being stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life but it was just thoughts.
Over the past year or so however, I've been thinking a lot about cutting off my arm. There's no reason for this, it works perfectly fine and I don't hate it, but I keep thinking about how I can cut it off myself or how I can get my arm to the point where it needs to be removed. Sometimes just thinking about it will make my arm feel numb or painful.
I feel like coming out and saying this makes me sound like I'm a really bad person or I'm really insensitive but it's not that. I know how difficult it can be for amputees but I just can't stop thinking about it.
I know it's wrong to think this way but I really don't know what to do here. I don't want to go to camhs again, last time I went to them I only felt worse about my issues but I also can't afford to go to a private therapist about it. There's literally nothing to do in this situation but I can't keep this arm.
Sam
Hi there,
Having thoughts you can’t control doesn’t make you a bad person, but it’s important to get support when you’re thinking about hurting yourself. You don’t have to deal with this alone.
Lots of young people tell Childline about good and bad experiences with CAMHS, and finding the right support can take time. Remember that your experiences before don't stop CAMHS being helpful in the future.
The first step to getting support can be asking for it. This could be through an adult you trust, or with your GP. Sharing what you’ve said here can help you to feel less alone and more able to cope.
It can help to think about the kind of support you’d like, especially when you’re worried things won’t be helpful. Tools like DocReady can help you express what you’re thinking. It can be good to write down what you'd like to happen as well.
There could be many reasons you’re having these thoughts. Childline is a space you can get support without judgement, and you can share things with our counsellors anytime.
If your thoughts are ever getting too much or you’re thinking of hurting yourself, you should get support straight away. You can call 999 in an emergency, and we’ve also got lots of resources to help you make a safety plan.
Take care,
Sam
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