Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I just want to be happy with the way I look!

I am always the one telling everyone to love who they are, and always smiling and making jokes about loving food and not caring what people think, but deep down, i am really insecure.

Last year, I spent months dieting and starving myself and crying every night because of the way I look. But, i never told anyone, but i managed to pull myself up from the ground and i actually lost a stone. I put it back on later, but I still felt happy with the way I was.

Nowadays, I am starting to get that sick feeling again. I am 10 stone and I am 5"6. I have alot of muscle, because I play a lot of netball, hockey etc. but I also have hips and curves, because of genetics. I have HUGE thighs which is my biggest problem. Girls say they have big thighs, well, they haven't seen mine. I can barely fit two hands aound any part of my legs. I hate the fact no clothes ever look good on me and I just, for once in my life, want to feel beautiful every day. I have just got a boyfriend, and he is lovely, but i constantly feel like he is out of my league because of the way I look.I dont have any role model that i an look up to that has the same body as me and is confident with it.

Please help. I am sick of crying.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for taking the time to write to me and tell me about how you’ve been feeling. It sounds like you work really hard to support other people and encourage them to be comfortable with the way they are, which is a lovely quality. However, I can hear that you’re finding it really hard to have the kind of confidence in yourself.

I’m concerned to hear you spent months dieting and starving yourself last year. Not eating properly can cause your body long term damage and if you have concerns about your weight, or are thinking of changing your diet, it’s really important to seek the advice of someone medically trained, like a doctor or nurse. It’s clear from your letter to me that you're really active and it’s important that your body gets the energy it needs for the netball and hockey you play.

It’s really important to remember that the way we see ourselves can be really different to how others see us. We all have parts of our bodies that we like less and it can be really easy to focus on these when we’re feeling low, rather than what we like about our appearance and our personalities.

You talked about how you have a lovely boyfriend, but explained you constantly feel he’s out of your league. It’s worth taking some time to think about the fact that he has chosen to be with you and that he clearly thinks you have lots of attractive qualities. It’s hard to see the positives when you’re feeling really down about yourself, but perhaps you could try thinking of one thing you like about yourself at the start of each day, to slowly start to build up your confidence. This could be anything, from the way that you treat others, to how you’ve styled your hair. 

You might want to take a look at the information on self-esteem and body image.  You might also want to take a look at our self-esteem message board, where young people post and offer each other support.

If you want to talk some more about the way you’re feeling, you can always speak to a ChildLine counsellor on 121 chat online, or give them a call on 0800 1111.

Take care,


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