Ask Sam letter

Hi E,

Thanks for sending in your letter. It’s really common to develop feelings of attraction for people who are close to you, like your best friend, H. It’s also perfectly normal for you to be attracted to girls, boys, both or neither. You’ve said that you’re confused about your sexuality, and I want you to know you don’t have to fit it to any particular box or label. It’s OK to just accept who you are attracted to at the moment and see where that leads.

You’ve not said if you’ve ever talked to H about how you feel. It’s important to consider how you would go about telling her that you like her. It’s also worth thinking about the different ways that she might react and that would make you feel. Moving a friendship on to the next level and making the relationship a romantic one can be really tempting, especially when you know you already get on well. However, it can also can be really difficult and upsetting if it goes wrong at any point, so it’s important to think about the risks before making a decision.

As for oral sex, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Different people express themselves sexually in different ways. Everybody likes different things and it's OK if oral sex isn’t appealing to you. It’s good that you’re thinking about what you like and don’t like. In a positive, trusting relationship, the person you are with should always respect your decisions about what you’re ready for and comfortable with.

If you’d like some more support or just a chance to talk things through, please think about talking to a ChildLine counsellor. You can call for free on 0800 1111 or log in for a 1-2-1 chat. You might also find it useful to have a look at the information on Sexual orientation in Explore or share your experience and get support on the message boards.

Take care,

Sam