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To Sam

Bisexual(: but family is the problem...

Hi Sam,
I"m 14 and I know for a fact I'm bisexual. I look and act a whole lot older than I really am. I came out and told my friends about 1 year and a half ago...but that's not the issue. My family family thinks Bi,gay,lesbian,and transgender is all wrong. every time they see someone like that they make rude cooments and it hurts me. I want to tell them, but i don't know how they will react. What if they give me up or something?! Please help me!!
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for your letter.

You’ve shown a lot of courage to feel able to write to me about what is going on in your life at the moment.

From what you’ve written, it sounds like you told your friends you were bisexual more than a year ago but you are worried about how your parents will react if you tell them.

It's understandable that you would want to tell your parents about your sexuality as it's a part of who you are. I can also hear that you are really anxious about what they might say as in the past they have said being bisexual is wrong and made rude comments about people who are bi, gay, lesbian and transgender.

As you have mentioned, it can be really hurtful to hear people say negative things about your sexual identity, especially if it's people who are close to you like your parents.

I just wanted to let you know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being bisexual and it's not okay for anyone to say hurtful things about anyone because of their sexual identity. Everyone has a right to be who they are and your parents should respect you as a person. It's normal for some people to be attracted to both girls and boys.

I am wondering if you can remember how you felt before you told your friends and how you felt after telling them. It can be helpful to think about this as you think about telling your parents.

It can be a really difficult thing trying to tell your parents about something so personal. How would you feel about talking to a ChildLine counsellor about some ideas for starting difficult conversations with your parents? You could even practise what you want to say with a counsellor.

It might be useful to think about how you have found talking to them about other issues in the past. If you decide to talk to them, it can help to think about the best time and place to do it so that everyone has a chance to hear what is being said. You might find it useful to have a look at our tips on being assertive.

Another idea might be to write to them explaining what has been going on for you and how difficult you are finding it to come out.

If you're really worried about what might happen while you are telling them, it might be an idea to have someone with you for support. For example, a relative that you trust, a teacher or a friend could be there to help you if you feel comfortable with this idea. You could talk to them first about what you are going to tell your parents so they are prepared as well.

I wouldn’t be able to say what will happen if you decide to tell them, but some parents can be understanding and supportive of their children’s decisions. Other parents, however, can find it difficult to accept because they don't have all the facts on sexuality and sexual identity.

ChildLine counsellors are there for you and can help you think about how you might like to come out if that is what you decide to do. You could call free on 0800 1111 or chat to a counsellor online through a 1-2-1 chat. You might also find it helpful to chat to other young people on the Sexuality thread on the message boards. This is where people talk about their own experiences of coming out and what worked best for them.

We also have information on lots of topics including Sexual orientation.
There are other websites like Young Stonewall that have information and advice about coming out.

Take care

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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