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Hi there,
Thanks so much for sharing whats happening for you and your family.
You sound like youve been thinking about them a lot and that you want to be there for your brother and your family. From what you explained, your step-dad often jumps to conclusions and gets in mood. It sounds as though you feel you are sometimes just trying to stand living with him, rather than being able to enjoy him being around. How do you think it would feel if you spoke to him or another family member about this?
You mentioned that he can be fun at times so perhaps you could let him know how his behaviour is affecting you when you feel he is in a better mood. If youre worried about doing this on your own, perhaps you could ask a person you trust to be there with you when you talk to him. I can tell that you give a lot of support to others and you deserve support too.
It sounds like you have been working on a letter to your real dad but youre scared of being rejected by him. Its okay to take your time when youre making important decisions like this and sometimes it can be helpful to talk it through so you can explore it a bit more. Youre always welcome to talk to a ChildLine counsellor about this so that you can choose to do what feels best for you.
I can tell that you have a lot of caring responsibilities at home and it seems as though your mum thinks it could be good for you to contact a Young Carers group. You mentioned that they never get back to you and that leaves you feeling stuck. Im not sure which Young Carers group youve tried to speak with but there are lots of organisations that support young carers. Heres a few you could try, if you havent already:
Perhaps you could check out some of these organisations with your mum. You could also have a look at the page for young carers on this site.
What you see your mum go through sounds really painful and I sense that you love her a lot. It seems like she is upset that youre having such a hard time and feels it is important for you to have help. How would it feel to talk to your mum a bit more about the sort of help youd like? You seem as though youre good at expressing yourself through writing. Im wondering whether you feel it might help to start keeping a diary as a way of letting out some of your feelings.
Im concerned to hear that youre feeling as though someone might kill you. If you feel as though that might be something thats actually going to happen, its really important to let somebody know about it as soon as possible. You can call 999 for emergency help if you ever feel in danger. If you think that you might be having this fear because youre feeling depressed and under a lot of stress, then it could be a good idea to get some help from a health professional. You can make an appointment with your doctor to talk about this more. Theres also lots of information about mental health issues on the ChildLine website and on the Young Minds website.
It can be normal for people who are going through a very hard time to start to develop a fear or phobia but as it can have a big effect on your life, its useful to get professional support with it as soon as you feel able to.
Youve done so well to tell me about all of this and Im really glad that you wrote. Caring for others can feel good but it can also be tough and the person doing the caring needs to have support too.
Hope this helps.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.