Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

When someone close to you dies it can be one of the hardest experiences to go through, especially when that person is a parent. It can feel like things will never be okay again. So when other people around you start to act like they are moving on from this heartache, it can feel really scary and strange, especially if you don’t feel ready to move on yourself.

People cope with bereavement in lots of different ways, and there is no right or wrong way to cope. Some people may get very depressed and might not want to talk to anyone. Other people may try anything that take their mind of what’s happened by staying busy and sociable. 

As time goes on some people may feel ready to start new relationships, like your mum has. This doesn’t mean that they forget, even if your mum doesn’t talk about him. Just because a parent remarries, it doesn’t mean they are trying to replace anyone and it doesn’t mean that they need to be forgotten or not talked about anymore. 

It’s very important that you feel able to talk about your dad and also how it makes you feel to see your mum marrying again. Talking to your mum about your worries might mean she can help put your mind at ease. Together you could come up with some ideas to help you with the things you’re worried about. 

If you feel worried about starting this conversation with your mum you could have a look at our page on asking an adult for help for some tips.

You can also talk things through with a ChildLine counsellor, and they can help you to find a way that feels comfortable.

You might also find it helpful to look at a website called Winston’s Wish as it has some nice ideas on how you can remember someone who’s passed.

If you want to talk through any feelings you’re having in more depth, a ChildLine counsellor is always there for you. 

I hope this helps.

Take care,
Sam