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To Sam

What shall I do??

Hello today i accidently called someone fat this has now made me feel awful i feel so mean it just came out i am never usually like this i was just having a bad day. I really liked the person as a friend as well, but now the person is now ignoring me and i think they got quite offended. I just want you to give me a bit of advice of what i should do and say.
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter.

As I was reading it I could really hear how much you regret calling your friend ‘fat.’ It seems like something you said in the heat of the moment because of how you were feeling that day. I often hear from young people who have said things that they wish they hadn’t and are now dealing with regret and wishing they could do things differently.

It sounds as though you know that what you said might have really hurt and offended the other person. If the person is ignoring you, it might be difficult for you to explain to them (as you have explained so well to me) how sorry you are.

I don’t know how well you get on with this person or what your relationship with them was like before you accidentally offended them. So it sounds like you’re going to be the best person to decide what would work best. But perhaps it would be useful for you to think about how best to get your message across. Would speaking to them in person work? You might feel more comfortable writing a note or an email. Explaining to them that you know what you said was hurtful and that you feel awful about having offended them might also help them to understand that it wasn’t something you meant to do. It’s important that whatever you say or do feels right for you.

The other thing that I heard when I read your letter is that you’d been having a really bad day when this happened. You haven’t said what it was that was making things so tough for you that day, but it sounds like it might have left you feeling angry or maybe hurt. I say this because sometimes when we feel these sorts of feelings, we can lash out at others. Is it possible that you made this person feel the same way that you felt at that time?

I really recognise how much courage it takes to admit that you’ve done something wrong and apologise for it. Well done for showing so much courage and asking for support. The ChildLine counsellors are there to support you any time if you want to talk your problem through some more or think about what you’d like to do next. You can also take a look at our feelings and emotions page for more information about feelings like guilt.

Take care,

Sam

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