I told my best friend about my suicide attempt but she told school I haven't spoken to her since she was the only one I trusted but she betrayed me and now I don't trust anyone at all. I don't want to be angry with her but I can't help it and I want to talk to someone at school but I'm scared it will get back to my mum and she will just have a go at me so I can't tell no one I don't know what to do my self harming got worse after this and more and more people notice
Sam
Hi,
Thank you for writing to me about this. It sounds like things have been very difficult for you and that youre feeling very alone at the moment. You did the right thing to reach out for some support.
I can hear how hurtful it is to feel like your friend betrayed you. Its understandable that you are feeling angry when she shared something that was so personal to you. It sounds to me like she cares about you a great deal and wanted to get some help for you. Perhaps she told school because she was afraid for you and wanted you to be okay. It sounds like she did what she felt was right and was trying to help you in the only way she knew how.
I would always encourage anyone who thinks their friends life is at risk to involve an adult straight away, because its so important to keep our friends safe. If a friend has asked us not to tell anyone, that can mean making really difficult choices. What do you think it might be like to write your friend a letter, explaining how you feel? Writing to her might be one way to start a conversation between the two of you again.
Youve told me that your self-harming has got worse since this happened. Its really important that you think about keeping self-harm as safe as possible.Theres lots of advice about self-harm in the Explore pages that you might find helpful.
Its really good that youre thinking about talking to someone at school. I hear that youre worried about your mum finding out. From what youve said, it sounds like you think she wouldnt be supportive. Wanting to take your own life is something you deserve to get help with. You dont deserve to be shouted at because of it. If your mum finds your suicide attempt hard to understand, then maybe thats something school, or your GP or CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health services) might able to help with.
Its important that people take you seriously and work with you on how you might feel better. That can and does take time, but its important to know that you dont have to go through that all on your own.
Perhaps you can also think about talking with a ChildLine about all of this a bit more? You can talk to them in confidence, and they wont tell anyone unless they think your life is at immediate risk. You can also use the Message Boards to ask for support from other young people.
You are not alone. There is help out there for you.
Take care,
Sam
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