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To Sam

why does my hate me

I'm 15 and I only have my mum I live with my mum and her partner and mt younger sister and brother I feel that she os alwas shouting at.me for no reaspn I cry nearly ever day because of this I'm alwas the one to do most of the cleaning She alwas takes her moods put on mee My older sister moved out and she jas changed a lot if she in a bad mood and if my soster comes down shepl be all happy and when my sister Goes she's in a bad mpod agaon I really do thinkl she cares mpre about her then mee o just want this to end.plz Thanks for reading C* xo
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi C*,

I’m pleased you’ve written to me as it sounds like you’re having a really tough time at home right now. I know from other letters I get that you’re not alone in this situation.

It sounds like you feel like you’re doing a lot at home and helping as much as you can but your mum doesn’t appreciate any of this. You feel she takes all her moods out on you. It seems like your mum has been really affected by your sister leaving home. You can see a big difference in your mum when your sister visits and when she leaves.

It also sounds like your mum might not be aware of how much she is affected by your sister leaving. Maybe your mum's not even aware that she’s treating you differently. It might help to try talking to her about this. You could share your worries about how much her shouting upsets you. Sometimes the people close to us don't see or understand the impact their behaviour can have on us.

It can often help to find the right way to tell them how what they do and say affects us. This could be done by talking to her when she’s calm and not too busy. Perhaps you could write her a letter, if this felt easier to do. Many young people have told me this has worked for them. Writing a letter means that you can take your time and word it carefully until you feel it’s right. You can also leave it to be read when you’re not there to give your mum time to take in what you’ve said.

You’ve also mentioned your mum’s partner – perhaps talking to them about this might help. Sometimes talking or writing a letter can make things more difficult at first. But after a while, things often settle down. However, you know your situation best and know what would be right for you. You might also find our page on Family Relationships helpful.

It may take time to work through what you want to do and what’s right for you. It might help to talk it through some more with a ChildLine counsellor. Maybe you could talk about what you might want to put in the letter to your mum or discuss other ways to tell her how you are feeling.

Hope this helps.

Sam

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