Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Step Mum

Dear Sam,
My dad got married recently and I don't know how to feel about it,because my dad's wife is a nice woman and I really like her , but I keep being told by my mum that I should hate her.This really confuses me and I'm afriad to mention her around the house.I really can't tell anybody how I feel.My grandparents say that I should be nicer to her but my mum says not to accept anything she gave me.2 years ago dad's wife gave me a birthday card... and I burst out crying.She was told not to send anymore.I'm worried that my dad's wife will get pregnant and there will be no room for me and I will be forgotten.My emotions confuse me and some nights I sob into my pillow, trying to figure out what to do and how to feel.
Please help me Sam.
* this is not my real name
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thanks for your message. It sounds like you are feeling confused about what your new family set-up means for you and your future. It can be difficult when we what we think about another person is different to what other people think about that person - especially when these are people we love and are close to. However, it's really important that you are able to make up your own mind how you feel about your dad’s wife and if you want to have a relationship with her this is your choice, and does not change the way you feel for anyone else in your family.

It sounds like maybe you have never really had the chance to get to know your dad’s wife without feeling that it might be wrong. Maybe you could think about what your relationship with her would be like if your mum felt it was OK to like her and accept things from her? This might help you think about how you feel about your dad’s wife and if it would be possible for you to get on well with her.

Sometimes when parents re-marry, they may have more children. Some people find this exciting and others can be nervous about the changes to the family, which might take some getting used to. It’s OK to be worried and it might help to talk it through with someone in your family if you feel able to. Maybe you could talk to your dad or grandparents about the worries you have.

You said that you don’t feel you can tell anyone how you feel - you are always welcome to talk to ChildLine either through 1-2-1 chat, email or phone about your feelings and perhaps what you might want to do next. Some people also find it helpful to talk on the ChildLine message boards as there might be people who are experiencing something similar to you and you might be able to get further support.

Take care


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