Ask Sam letter


To Sam

racist parents and need help asap

i am 16 and i have a dad and step mom whom i live with they are both racist and my boyfriend is black. they have taken my phone and facebook because of this and i ran away before because of this. i know we will never be on the same page but my dad said if he calls or comes over he will have someone beat him up help i was supposed to breake up with him but that goes against everything i beleive in  and my boyfriend is 16 too helppppppp
Ask Sam


Hi there,

It’s good to hear from you and I am glad you’ve written to me.

Thanks for letting me know how things are for you at the moment. I can hear how your parents' views are making things difficult for you at the moment. Treating someone badly or differently because of their race is wrong and I can see that you feel strongly about this too.

I know that racism is something that affects many people and can lead to strong feelings. From what you’ve said I can hear how your boyfriend is important to you. You've told me that he might be at risk if he comes to your house. You want to take care of him and it's important for you to remember that you need to take care of yourself too. Caring for or worrying about someone can be demanding and you need to make sure that you are supported too.

I am wondering how much you talk to your boyfriend about your parents. Talking about this with your boyfriend may be a helpful way to work out what is the best way forwards. You might decide that because of how your parents are behaving that you both feel that you want to see each other away from your home. This would mean that you don't have to experience the way your parents talk about your boyfriend - he would also be safer this way.

We have more information about racism which you might find helps. You could also check out our message boards. This could help you think about how things are and what you might be able to do. You can read messages from other young people who may have been in similar situations and find out about what they did to deal with what was going on. If you did feel that your boyfriend was in danger of being hurt by your dad or someone he knows, you can call 999 for emergency help.

I am concerned to hear that you’ve ran away before because of this. I can hear how much you want to escape things but I am worried that running away may be something that put you in danger. If you did feel like you were going to run away, it might be a good idea to talk to someone about what you’re thinking about.

Talking to people can often help you cope with strong feelings. If you wanted to talk more about this you could get in touch with a ChildLine counsellor. A ChildLine counsellor is someone you could talk over your feelings with. ChildLine counsellors don’t judge and would be able to keep what you’ve said to me confidential.

Take care,

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