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To Sam


When i was younger, i used to lie alot. I am older now but whenever i tell the truth, my dad doesn't believe me and thinks that i am lying, and he gets really angry with me. He threatens to take away my phone and he always says that i won't have any pocket money until i start telling the truth, even though i do tell the truth now.
What should i do?
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Trust can be a very delicate thing. If someone loses trust in us then it can take some time to earn it back. One of the best ways to gain this trust back is by admitting that you made mistakes in the past and explaining that you would like that trust back.

We all make mistakes. And even though it’s wrong, lying is something most people have done from time to time – we’re not perfect and that’s okay. The problem with lying is that if someone feels like we don’t tell the truth then it’s hard to get them to recognise when we really are being honest.

Getting that kind of trust back can be difficult but usually the best thing to do is to admit that you were at fault in the first place. For someone to trust you again they need to understand that you know what you did was wrong. Being open and honest about this shows that person you want to move forward and change.

Our family relationships page has some ideas about ways to improve your relationships with family members.

You might like to think about trying to have a really honest discussion with the people you care about when everyone is feeling calm. You could let them know that you are aware of how you were behaving before and it might also give you the opportunity to explain that you are trying really hard to behave differently now. 

I would suggest talking to your dad about how you feel and specifically telling him you know that you used to lie, but that you’re a different person now and that you think you deserve a chance to be trusted. You could even ask your dad what he would need to see from you to gain that trust back – perhaps there is something you can do that will prove to him you’ve changed.

Thanks for your letter, I hope this helps.


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