Ask Sam letter

Hi S,

Thank you for writing to me about your family.

It feels like your family telling you that you are bullying your sister has worried you and although you realised that you were arguing and that sometimes you are mean to her, you hadn’t realised that it was bullying. Now that you know this, it’s great that you are trying to find a way to stop. You don’t mention if you have been able to talk to your to your sister about the way that you have been behaving towards her but many young people tell me that talking has really helped them to deal with difficult issues. There are more ideas on the ChildLine website about what to do if you think you are a bully. 

When someone is bullied it can make them feel upset, sad and bad about themselves. A bully often says things which are hurtful, perhaps teasing them or talking about them behind their back and might also do things to physically hurt their victim, such as pushing them, hitting them, or tripping them up. Although you do not say that you do these things, many other people who bully others do and doing these things to someone can make the bully feel powerful and in control. It’s really not okay to treat someone like this and as you have realised, and it is really positive that you have realised that what you have been doing is not right and is having a impact on another person.  It is also important to state that being a bully can make us feel confused and find how we are behaving difficult to understand.

You talk about the fact that you and your sister are so different and have never got on. Without knowing some more details of your relationship, it’s difficult to give specific advice, but one way of thinking about it is to treat other people as you would like to be treated. Perhaps you could try and apply this to the way you behave towards your sister.

Sometimes other people can irritate us and make us angry and want to lash out and say things that in another situation would never be said at all. One way to cope when you feel irritated, annoyed or angry with your sister is to step away from her and give yourself time to calm down before you respond, or you could take a deep breath and count to ten and then respond. This way you give yourself some time to think about what you are going to say and how to say it so that it doesn’t hurt or upset her.

I hope these ideas are useful. 

If you would like to talk more about your relationship with your sister you could contact ChildLine to speak to a counsellor, they are always there to listen and support you.

Take care,

Sam