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My Mother, stepdad and friends

Well My dad died about a year and a half ago, i still cry at night and miss him. now my  mother is seing someone else, hes a nice person but i feel like my mother is trying to forget my dad and replace him. I dont want to say anything because my mother seem's happy, but im getting very stressed out about it, and because i feel like i cant talk to my mother or my stepdad i was talking to a friend, we were very close friends we both told eachother everything, but then we dated and he ended it. now i feel like i cannot talk to him ither and all my friends dont understant and dont know what to say, i dont know what to do anymore
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Sam

Hello,

Thank you for telling me what things are like for you. It sounds like losing your dad has been really tough and I can hear how much you still miss him. When someone dies it’s normal for people close to them to go through a wide range of feelings. There’s no right or wrong way to feel about someone dying. What’s important is that you have some support to deal with your feelings.

It sounds like it is hard for you to get that support from your mum, because you feel like she’s moved on and is happy with your stepdad. Just because mum has started seeing someone else, doesn’t mean she has forgotten your dad, or that she doesn’t want to talk about him anymore. Even if the rest of your family changes, your dad will never stop being your dad. It is important that you can spend time talking about him and sharing your memories with other people. I can hear that you’re worried about spoiling your Mum’s happiness, and it is very mature and caring of you to think like that. However, your happiness is just as important as your mum’s, and you deserve to be heard and supported too. What do you think it would be like to write her a letter, explaining some of the things you’ve said to me? Or if you feel you can’t talk to your mum, I wonder if there is anyone else in the family you can talk to about your dad. Is there an aunt, or uncle, or a grandparent you could share some feelings with?

The When someone dies pages in Explore talks about some ideas that may help you to cope with your feelings about losing your dad. The Winston’s Wish website also has lots of information for young people who are coping with the death of a relative. You explained that it feels like your friends don’t know what to say and it sounds like that can sometimes make it difficult to share your feelings. One way to talk to other young people who have had similar experiences would be to look at the Bereavement messageboard.

It seems like the changes in your relationship with your friend have been particularly difficult and you’re now missing his support. Coping with a break up can be an upsetting experience even when other things are going well, it’s understandable for you to feel stressed out dealing with this at the moment. You might find it helpful to talk to one of our counsellors about everything that’s on your mind. When young people talk to ChildLine it’s their choice how much they choose to tell the counsellor, so if you wanted to talk about just one part of your life it would be OK to do that.

You can talk to a ChildLine counsellor by calling 0800 1111 or by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat. Thanks again for getting in touch.

Take care,

Sam

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