Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

When there’s a big change in something as important as family, it can be hard to get used to. It can feel like things won’t be the same. Now that you have a new brother it’s true that some things are going to be different, but that doesn’t mean everything will be.

Sometimes it can feel like we are so happy that we don’t want things to ever change, but that rarely happens in real life. There will be lots of times when we have no control over things changing, but we do have some control over how we adapt to something new.

When a new brother or sister arrives it can feel like they are getting all the attention and that everyone’s time is taken up by them. Cards and gifts might arrive for them and it can seem as though they’ve become more important than you. If it was just you before and now there’s someone else, it’s natural to worry about how this is going to change your relationship with your mum.

As your brother grows older he may develop his own bond with your mum, but that doesn’t make your bond any less important. Try thinking about the things that make your bond with her special – those are things that nobody else could give to her. Your relationship is unique and there can’t ever be someone quite like you.

Remember that you can also form a bond with your brother – as he grows older you can both get to know each other in a way nobody else can. He’ll never have someone else that could replace you and the same goes for your mum.

You could try doing more of the things you enjoy with your mum – think about what makes your bond special and how you like to spend time with her. If you still feel like you are being pushed out then you can always tell them this – being open about feelings can help make families stronger. 

I hope that this helps you to remember how important you are, no matter who else joins the family. Remember that you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor.

Take care,
Sam