Ask Sam letter


To Sam

my brother

My brother loves me deeply as a sister, but I just hate him. He has only half of a working body, like the other part is weak. But he can still walk and pick up things. What I'm worried about is that am I selfish? I think he is..He always asks to make him food or get him water, or clothing. He never does anything but sit on the stupid couch and watch scary movies or play his game. He'll bother me about this story, ever since I was 4. 4 years old and he was 10.  It's been 7 years and he keeps doing it. He's all like "no one else wants to do it" but he never actually asks anyone else. He can learn how to write and read by himself, and he hasn't even tried to pay attention in class. Im TIRED of him completely never doing anything for himself. And once he's eighteen he has to learn how to do that. He gets all angry too, like when no one is his maid. He'll mumble and limp around the house, like "no one ever listens to me" and 'I'm here too'. Mom supports it . She gives him no chores, and asks me to do everything he should be doing. Take in this age difference. I just want him to learn to stand on his own two feet, physically and socially. I'm really feeling like this hatred for him will last forever.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Helping to care for one of your siblings is a lot to have to handle. Feeling angry at them sometimes can be natural. You’re never doing anything wrong by feeling this way.

Even though your brother may have needs that are different to yours, it doesn’t ever mean that you’re less important. It’s really important that even when you’ve got a sibling with disabilities, it doesn’t stop your needs being important too.

When you are used to having to do things for someone else, saying no can almost feel like it’s not an option. It might be helpful to think about ways that you could say no. You could even practise what you’d like to say.

It’s important to think about ways to say no without being angry. You can even give other options like offering to ask your mum for him. Our page about being assertive has good tips on how to present what you’re saying well without being aggressive. Even though you can’t control how someone else might react, you always have a choice on what you decide to do.

Thinking about ways that you can assert yourself can be a good first step to helping your brother to feel more independent. When you talk about your mum it sounds like you’ve had to take on quite a lot of responsibility. Sometimes that can be a natural part of being in a family but at the same time it’s your mum’s job to make sure that you feel safe and cared for at home.

It might be good to talk this through with a ChildLine counsellor who can help give you a space to vent how angry you’ve been feeling without judging you. They can also help you to think about ways of improving things at home and expressing your needs.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter