Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

It can feel really horrible when parents argue, but it’s never your fault. As adults, it’s up to them to get through any problems with their relationship – nobody else. Not even their child, is responsible for that. It’s worth remembering that all relationships include some arguments and its okay from time to time.

Watching other people falling out can be hard when we care about both of them. We don’t want to see either of them getting hurt, so to see both of them getting upset can mean we get upset too. Looking after our own feelings is what’s most important and to do this you may need to try and stay out of the argument as much as you can.

Even if you feel that your parents are arguing about you, it’s important to remember that really they’re arguing about decisions they have to make as parents, rather than about you as a person. They have responsibility for you and they should want what’s best for you – and sometimes they may disagree on what this is. This isn’t your fault though – it’s part of being a parent and they should understand this.

Having an argument from time to time doesn’t usually mean a relationship will end – it’s normal to have disagreements. Everyone is different and some relationships still work even if people are arguing all of the time.

If you're worried about the things your parents are saying, perhaps you let them know how it made you feel to hear them arguing, so that they can understand what it's like for you. Remember you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor for support too.

I hope this helps.

Take care,
Sam