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Mum and Dad

Hi.
I have a lot on for a 15 year old. I have depression and asbergers, a brother with asbergers and I also have a severe phobia and axiety issue.
Things were beginning to get better, with the help of my pyhcs, and I could feel an improvement. But now all I have is arguments with my Mum and occasionally my Dad. We can fight over the miniest of things and then I'll be left in the cold for days. They don't neglect me, they feed me and stuff, but they barely talk to me and when they do it's to moan at me. I shut myself away in my room and don't come out apart from for meals. It's so upsetting and I don't know what to do. I spend almost every minute at home now in tears. It's sending me back into that dark place where I thought I'd left and I don't want to be there. I haven't been there without a knife and I won't know how to cope without that.
I just wish I could talk to my parents but it seems impossible, I want things back to normal. I won't apologise as I've done nothing to deserve this coldness. What should I do?
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for your letter and well done for writing in to get some support.

I can hear that the arguments and your parents barely talking to you is really upsetting you and you’d like things to go back to how they used to be. It must be pretty lonely at times when you're sat in your room. It’s not okay for them not to talk to you.

If you want your parents to know how you’re feeling then it can be good to take some time to think about exactly what you want them to know. Sometimes writing things down can help to make it clearer for you and perhaps if saying things aloud feels difficult you could show them what you’d written instead.

If you did decide to talk to them, it would be important to pick a time when they’re  feeling calm. This will give you the time to properly talk it though. Perhaps at the start you could all agree to listen to each other.

It sounds like you’re not feeling sure about what’s making these arguments get this heated as you say that they start over the smallest things. Perhaps it would be a good idea to have a think back to when they started and whether anything seemed to happen or change around that time. Sometimes thinking more about what might be causing them can help you to see if there are particular situations when they start.

I’m concerned to hear that you feel like you’re going back into a dark place. If you haven’t done so already, it might be an idea to let an adult you trust know how you’re feeling, so that maybe they can give you some extra support.

We also have information about problems with your family that you could find useful to read. 

There is also always a counsellor here at ChildLine for you to talk to. You can call on 0800 1111 (all calls are free and don’t show up on the bill) or by using 1-2-1 chat. It might give you a chance to talk things through, especially if you’re feeling worried about not being able to cope.

I hope this has helped - please do get in touch if you would like to talk about what's going on some more.

Take care,
Sam

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