Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I'm Female to Male transgender and nobody takes me seriously

I came out to my mom through a letter that I'm trans a few months ago. She refuses to let me cut my hair, wear the clothes I feel comfortable in, use my pronouns or my chosen name. Im suicidal because of it and idk what to do. I feel like I'm slowly going crazy because nobody in my family supports me or even seems to care about my gender. My mom still thinks me liking girls is a phase when I came out 3 years ago as lesbian. I'm 15 now. She uses backhanded comments and snarky, mean sayings. I can't deal with it. Help?
Ask Sam



Thanks for writing a letter to me. It sounds like you’re in a very difficult situation where you’re ready to take steps to become the person you want to be, but are being stopped.

It was very brave for you to come out as transgender to your mother and be honest about who you are. It sounds like your mother isn’t accepting who you want to be. It’s ok to want to be able to wear what you want, be addressed how you want to be or be attracted to who you feel attracted to. And it’s wrong for your mum to be unsupportive.

You say you feel that no one in your family is being supportive or showing any care about your gender, and this sounds like you’re feeling alone. It was really brave of you to speak out about your suicidal feelings and I’d encourage you to talk to a counsellor about what’s going on. They’re there to listen and support you, and they can help you find ways to cope. You could also look at the message boards where you can get support from other young people in similar situations.

There are places who specialise in support for transgender people and their families which you might find helpful such as Gendered Intelligence and The Albert Kennedy Trust.

Your mother’s behaviour sounds hurtful and perhaps the comments are getting too much for you now. It’s okay feel hurt by her actions, and perhaps by getting support it may help you and your mother to work on your relationship and her acceptance of your gender.

I hope what I have said has helped.

Thank you for your letter.

Take care,

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