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To Sam

I'm 12 years old and my mum wants me to change

Ever since I was little my mum has always wanted me to change be a perfect daughter to show off to.u guess that's fine but I hate it she won't let me be me and whine I want to me I try to tell her but she won't listen.i don't no wat to do.also at the weekend me and my family always go to the pub and my mum and dad get drunk and gamble and I feel horrible,I mean do u no any one whose had to put there mum to bed and hold her hair while she's sick. I hate it and when I ask to go some where nice instead as a whole family she's say we don't have anough money even though  5 minuets later she's getting another round in . I hate it it puts me down so much . I don't no wat to do I'm on the edge of bursting. Help please x
Ask Sam



Hi there,

Thanks for your message explaining how things are for you at the moment.

It sounds like it's very difficult for you at home. You say that your mum will not let you be you. You have tried talking to her but she will not listen. Your thoughts and feelings are very important and you do deserve to be listened to and supported.

Sometimes it can help to write your mum a letter, telling her how she is making you feel. Perhaps you could leave it on the pillow of her bed for her to read.  Sometimes the people close to us do not fully understand how their behaviour makes us feel and might need to be told.

I can hear that you take care of your mum when she is sick and that you hate this. You should not have to be taking care of your mum because you are the child and she is the adult. 

What would you like to happen at home and what do you think would make life better for you? It might help to talk to someone you trust about what you are going through. Perhaps there is someone in your family, or maybe a teacher at school that you could talk to - to see what help there could be for you? You might also want to look at the Parents and alcohol page to find out how to get some help.

Sadly lots of young people have difficult home lives, so you are not alone in what you are going through. You might find it useful to look at the home and family relationships message board to see what other young people suggest or you could even start your own message thread. We also have more information about family relationships here.

You are very welcome to talk to a ChildLine counsellor about everything that’s going on. You can talk to them by calling free on 0800 1111, logging on for a 1-2-1 chat or by sending them an email.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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