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I found out my father isn't my real dad

hi sam,

how are you I need your help, recently have found out that my father isn't really my dad, I found out one day when I heard them talking about it and then I found a message from my real dad and then like 2 weeks ago on my mums tablet it said "how can I adopt my daughter if her real dad that abandoned hers name on the birth certificate" and I don't know if I should tell them I know or wait for them to tell me... could you give me some advice please

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Sam

Hi there,

Finding out something upsetting can be a shock. It can be difficult to know how to cope or what to do. Tough decisions about what to do next are not easy to make, but it’s important you look after your own feelings.

Deciding whether to tell your parents that you know about your dad is a big decision. One way of making a choice like this is to write out the pros and cons of each option.  This can help you to decide what you want to do.

If you decide to speak to your parents, it’s important to prepare what you want to say and to decide when to say it. This should be a time when you feel relaxed and the person you are going to talk to has the time to listen.

It can also help to think about how the person you speak to might react as this can help you prepare for your own emotions.  Doing this kind of preparation means you know what you want to say and to feel less nervous about doing it.

If you feel that talking face to face about it is too scary, you could write a letter, send an email or text if you felt this was easier for you.

If you choose to do nothing and wait for them to approach you, it’s worth being aware that this could be a short wait, a long time or possibly never. When deciding what to do it can help to imagine what it would be like if you never brought this up.

However long it is, it’s important to think about how you will cope in the meantime while you wait with the knowledge you have.  If you would like help to work on the pros and cons, or help working out what to say and how to say it or would just like more support, you could contact a Childline counsellor either by phone or on a 1-2-1 chat and they could work through it with you.

Take care,

Sam

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