Ask Sam letter

Hi K,

Thanks for your letter,

It sounds like things were pretty difficult for you last week. Being involved in arguments can be upsetting and it’s positive that you were able to take a break by staying with your grandma.

You wrote about not wanting to upset your mum and that makes me think you are a caring person. It’s understandable that you are worried about mum’s feelings, but remember that your feelings are really important in this situation too. When you are trying to make a tricky decision it can often help to talk things through with others. Perhaps you could talk things through with grandma, a friend or even your mum.

Arguments can take a while to move on from, but it can happen in time. Sometimes explaining your feelings and asking the other person about theirs (once everyone has calmed down) can help you understand each other better. Have a think about whether you would feel comfortable talking to your mum honestly about how you both feel. If you don’t want to do this face to face you could try making a phone call or writing a letter. Another option would be to talk things through with your grandma and ask for some support, she might be able to help you to talk to your mum.

You haven’t mentioned what the argument was about, or what your relationship with mum is like normally. It’s really common for families to have difficulty with getting along sometimes. If it feels like you are arguing so much that you don’t feel safe or happy at home, it might be time to ask for some extra help. You might find it useful to read more about Family relationships in Explore.

At times it can be helpful to talk to someone completely outside the situation. You are welcome to do this with Childline either by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat or phoning 0800 1111. The counsellors are there to talk things through with you at your pace and support you in making any decisions. You can also try out our message boards to ask other young people for advice.

Hope this has been of some help,

Sam