Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Hi Sam.

It's been going on for quite a long time now. My parents are still together but don't have feelings for each other and want a divorce. I have brothers and i am the only girl, this means that when they want to pick on someone it will be me. I know all siblings fight but it makes me angry and upset that most of the time its aimed at me. I feel as if my family don't care about me or my feelings anymore and I just want to leave and get away from it all even though i know when i think about it i never will and in some ways i don't want to. I love my parents but sometimes i feel as if the feelings not mutual. I'm happy outside of my house with my friends but when i get home i hear my parents fighting and it makes me upset..

I don't want anything to happen about this because im probably just being stupid and it will end but i just needed to let it all out somehow. thank you for listening to me

Ask Sam


Hello there,

Thank you for your letter. I think you have done really well to write to me and tell me how it is for you at home with your family. It sounds like it’s been going on for a really long time now and has been very difficult for you.

You have said that your parents no longer have feelings towards each other and that they are looking to divorce, and also that overhearing them fighting all the time is making you feel very upset. It sounds as if being the only daughter in the family is difficult as you have mentioned feeling angry and upset because your brothers are picking on you. It seems like you feel like your family doesn’t care about you and your feelings anymore.

It is often a difficult time when parents don’t get on with each other any longer and the impact that their arguments has on the whole family. In your case this has left you feeling that sometimes you just want to leave and get away.

I wonder if you have thought about what you would do or where you would go if you did decide that leaving is the only option for you. Do you have a trusted relative or family friend to turn to or who may be able to speak to your parents for you?

You have said that when you think about it you probably never will leave and that you love your parents, but sometimes just thinking through the practicalities helps to put things in perspective and may highlight any things that you could do on a practical level.

I think what is important though is to let you know that whatever is going on between your Mum and Dad is nothing at all to do with anything you have done. You are not to blame in any way.

You have mentioned that when you are outside of your home with your friends, you are happy and I wonder if this would be a good time to think about what you might be able to do to let your family know how you are feeling? You might like to write them a letter or card, or you might find it helpful to look at the ChildLine message boards where young people post messages and read other messages on topics like yours. There is even a thread with messages that might be helpful to you from others coping with divorce.

In your letter, you mention that you feel that you are ‘probably just being stupid’ and that you don’t want anything to happen about this. ChildLine is here to support you to talk through what you would like to happen and not tell you what you should do. I don’t think it sounds ‘stupid’ to want the arguing between your parents to stop. It sounds like you are just wishing for things to be happier at home and that is understandable.

I think you have been really brave to write your feelings down in your letter. Whenever you feel ready to talk some more, ChildLine is here for you. You can call us on 0800 1111 or log on for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,


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