Ask Sam letter


To Sam

family misgendering me

hey sam. i'm basically writing to you to talk about my parents and how they still misgender me, even though i came out as a trans boy 6 months ago. theyve made no efforts to gender me properly despite me even coming out to cahms and the rest of my family and my friends. my sister and my friends all gender me correctly or atleast make efforts to, but my parents arent at all. all theyve done about it is baby me about it. i was wondering if you had any advice on how to bring it up. - C

Ask Sam


Hi there

Knowing when to start conversations you know may be hard can be difficult. It’s important to pick a moment where you have enough time to talk, so not just before going out somewhere. There are different ways you can do this, such a face to face, in a letter or by text. A quiet moment alone may help or time you are doing a task together.

Everyone is different and it can take some people longer to understand than others and some may have different views. Talking about this can help everyone to understand each other. Starting conversations about your gender identity can be about celebrities or TV programmes with similar storylines and it can help to let who you are talking to know how you feel and let them know if you feel comfortable with them asking questions. It’s ok to ask them questions too.

Perhaps think about how you most feel comfortable talking. Is that face to face, if so is that whilst doing something else like cooking together.

Is it talking alone or with help from a friend or your sister and is it one parent at a time or both together? It may be that you would prefer to not do this face to face, but instead over the phone, text or writing a letter perhaps?

If like you, you have some support from services like CAMHS, it can help to talk to them about this as they can also work with families.

Our Childline counsellors are always here to support you with this and [the message boards]( can be very helpful to see how other young people have dealt with similar situations.

Hope this helps,

Take care


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter