Hello, I would like to ask for some help on how to deal with a drunk mum. She is completely okay when sober its just when she's drunk when it annoys me sooooo much. She acts as if she knows everything and calls me a narcissist and is so rude and mean to me NOT phsically but just mentally. She acts as if nothing happened in the morning! She drinks wine almost every night and gets really drunk. I love my mum but her drinking goes too far! We are a christian family and she likes to twist the Bilbes meanings into something she wants to hear. There have been many situations where she has forced me to eat when she's or has made me cry when she is drunk. Please just give me advice.
This has been happening for as long as I can remember. I am 13 years old.
Sam
Hi there,
When someone is drinking too much and they cant control it, this can mean that they have a problem called alcoholism. Alcoholics can lose control of their behaviour when theyre drunk and often cant control how much they drink.
Having a parent who drinks can be confusing, annoying and upsetting. It can sometimes feel like its your responsibility or your fault, but this isnt true. You have the right to feel safe and cared for at home. Theres no quick solution when someones drinking is affecting you, but that doesnt mean that you have to be powerless.
If someone puts you down, shouts at you and tries to make you feel bad about yourself on a regular basis, this is emotional abuse. No matter what the reason is, its not okay for you to experience this, and its not your fault. Even when youre not being physically hurt, emotional abuse can have a big effect on you.
When your parent is already drunk the most important thing for you is that you keep yourself safe. Sometimes this can mean making sure youre not in the same room or that youre able to stay somewhere else thats safe such as a friend or relatives house. Being drunk can mean that their judgement is impaired. Its not a good idea to try and reason or argue with someone when theyre drunk.
You cant stop your mums drinking on your own. Alateen offer support to teenage relatives of alcoholics and it's a really good place to start. Talking to your mum when shes sober can be a really difficult thing to do, especially on your own. It can be good to think about other people in your life that might be able to support you.
Talking to a trusted adult can help you to find ways to let your mum see how much shes affecting you without putting you at risk. You know the people you trust most in your life, but people like your teachers and religious leaders have a duty to make sure that youre safe and are there to support you if youre not.
Its not okay for anyone to force you to do something that would harm you or make you unsafe. Part of keeping your needs met means making sure that youre eating but if your mum is doing that in a way that makes you feel unsafe then thats not okay.
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
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