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To Sam


Hi Sam,
I come from quite a big familly and one of my brothers is a full time chorister. I am the eldest. All my familly have a fiery temper. My parents keep arguing while I'm in bed when I ask why in the morning they say it was either none of my buisness or it doesn't matter. I get into lots of rows with my parents sometimes I get hurt sometimes I just sit in a dark corner for hours until my parents are in bed. I don't know what to do when I am angry I don't want to take it out on my siblings but I need to take my anger out in somthing. What do I do when I'm like this.
Thank – you
Ask Sam



Thanks for your letter.

Families are supposed to be loving and caring to each other but it's not always easy to get along. It’s natural to want to talk to your parents about things that make you feel worried or upset. Even though you come from a big family, it sounds like it could feel lonely at home - especially when you described sitting alone in the dark waiting until your parents go to bed. I imagine it could feel very hurtful when your parents tell you that it’s none of your business or it doesn’t matter.

It can be normal for families not to get along all the time but I’m very concerned that you sometimes get hurt after rows with your parents. It’s never okay for anyone to hurt you – no matter who they are.

It might be helpful to think if there’s an adult in your life that you trust that you might be able to talk to about what happens at home. Maybe a teacher or someone in your extended family – like an aunt, an uncle or a grandparent –  could be a good person to talk to. You wouldn't have to say everything all at once but you could let them know a little about how you’re feeling.

Arguing can make you feel upset and angry. If you have a good reason to be angry – if someone has hurt you or you feel threatened by them – then it’s okay to feel this way. Knowing how to deal with the anger afterwards can be hard because it can build up very quickly and you may not feel in control.

Recognising that you may have a problem managing what happens when you start to feel angry is a really positive step. Sometimes doing something physical like punching a pillow, going for a run or doing some sport can help with anger and frustration. Letting out feelings like this in a safe way is something that feels different to each of us – different things work for different people. You can find out more about how to deal with feeling angry.

If you want to talk through some more ideas about what might work for you then you can always talk to a ChildLine counsellor by calling 0800 1111, having a 1-2-1 online chat or by sending an email.

It took a lot of courage for you to write to me and I hope we hear from you again when you’re ready.

Take care,

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