Ask Sam letter


To Sam

a dilemma between my brother and his girlfriend

My name is S**** I really don't know what to do I know I should probably try and wash my hands of my brothers thing but I cant because it got personal. It all really started when my brother got together with a Girl in his year who was my best friend before they got together, and waist they where going she start to come to me and tell my her secrets things she was worried about and then one day she told be she had cancer and she was going to be dead in about a year or so, then I found out that was a lie...which was when it became really personal I told my brother and he said he understood he said he was Disgusted' with her and they would brake up and to me I was so relieved and was really greatful but 2 hours ago I found out that they are still going out. So. Now I am really upset that one my brother lied to me and two after my dad found out the lies she had be telling my he made my brother promise to never go out with her again or talk again and if he did the my dad would kick him out of the house, but I don't want to see so one I love get kick out so my question to u is wht do I do, do I tell my dad or live with the fact I now my brother chose her over the whole family
Ask Sam



Thanks for your letter and telling me about the tough dilemma you’re struggling with.

You’re in a very tough spot, wondering if you should tell your dad or protect your brother from how your dad might react if he knew. It’s so hard when you feel caught between two people you love, and to also feel like your family is threatened with being split up.

It’s clear the lie this girl told really affected all of you. I know it can be hard to understand why anyone would pretend to be really ill, but it happens sometimes and the reasons can be quite complicated. Although there’s no way for me to know, perhaps your brother has talked to her about it and feels differently about it now.

All of this leads me to think maybe talking to your brother might be a really good starting point. If your brother doesn’t want to break up with her you’d be giving him a chance to explain why.

It seems clear that you feel uncomfortable being put in a position where you have to keep a secret from your dad. If your brother doesn't want you to tell your dad that the relationship is still going on, talking to your brother will also give you a chance to let him know how you feel.

If you think it would be too hard to talk face to face with your brother about this, one idea is to think about writing him a note or message about how you feel.

Perhaps you can look at this as your brother’s dilemma too, rather than just your dilemma. You brother has the right to make some life decisions and it also means those decisions are his responsibility. Encouraging him to talk to your dad about it himself might lessen the worry you’re feeling. It also might give your dad a chance to rethink things if your brother has something more to tell him about this relationship.

You could also have a look at our pages on Friendship and Family relationships. If you want to talk more about this, you can contact a ChildLine counsellor by phone on 0800 1111, log on for an online chat or send an email. We’ll do our best to listen and support you, whenever you want.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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