Why am I so worried that my girlfriend will break up with me? | Ask Sam
I’m writing because I’m scared. I think my girlfriend is about to break up with me, and I don't know how to handle the silence when it finally happens.
Every time we’re together lately, it feels like she’s already gone. I see her looking at me with this kind of pity that hurts worse than if she were just angry. I know the "right" thing is to let her go and be the bigger person, but I’m just not there yet.
I’ve started doing anything to keep her from saying the words. I’ll fix things around the house or talk about random stuff just to fill the air. It feels like I’m building a wall of small talk to keep the goodbye out. I know it’s selfish and that I’m just delaying the inevitable, but I’m terrified of who I am without her.
How do you stop yourself from clinging to something that’s already broken? I feel so small for not being able to just let her be happy without me.
Sam
Hi there,
Feeling insecure in your relationship can be a difficult thing to cope with, especially when you’re scared about it ending. Even when it’s difficult, it can help to be honest about how you’re feeling.
There can be lots of reasons someone might change within a relationship. It may be that they’re thinking about breaking up, or it could be that they’re going through something else. Letting things continue without sharing how you feel might feel easier or safer, but in the long term it can mean that you both end up feeling worse.
Talking openly about what’s happening might feel scary, but it can give you both a chance to share what’s happening. It means your partner can share how they’re feeling and you can both think about what’s best. If your partner isn’t thinking about breaking up, it means you can both have a chance to support each other with how you’re feeling.
Talking can mean that your partner tells you they want to break up, when you worry about that it’s useful to think about how you’re feeling right now. The end of a relationship might feel overwhelming, but that doesn’t mean staying in an unhappy relationship is better. Try to ask yourself what it would be like if things stayed like this forever.
You don’t know what your partner might say, but you can control what you say or do. Think about people you can talk to if things don’t go well, or ways to cope after. It might also help to think about ways to talk about how you’ve been feeling, and what you want to happen. Remember, Childline is here to support you through whatever happens.
Take care,
Sam
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