Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Who Am I

I'm 17 and I'm going insane. With all the pressures of adulthood being pushed upon me, my severe social anxiety, and every other sort of anxiety is flaring up. Not to mention that I have a boyfriend (16) who I care for very much but I know I'll have to break up with when I graduate. I thought I wouldn't be able to do it and I'd try long distance because I'll be moving hundreds of miles away. But lately (actually for awhile) I'm not sure I can be with him. He knows I'm confused about my sexuality and lean towards girls more. I think I might love him...but not the sex. I feel almost empty not having a girlfriend. My guy is great but in the end I'm supposed to be with a girl. We've had sex and have sent nudes but I can't get myself aroused to his naked body. Do I have low libido because of my anxiety and stress? Should I dump him.?
sam, I really want to sleep for three weeks straight. I'm tired of life.



Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for taking the time to write to me about all the things that are happening for you. When I read your letter I got a real sense that there is a lot of change happening for you at the moment.

You’re right adulthood is approaching, but it’s important not to feel pressured by the idea of things changing. It’s okay to grow into the person that you want to be. Things may be changing and you may be changing too but you but it’s okay to embrace this gradually and take your time so that you feel calm and not pressured.

New experiences like university are a time for meeting new people and learning new things and gaining new experiences. There are lots of young people talking about coping with change on the ChildLine message boards - this could be a great way to get some more support.

Pressure and problems sleeping can trigger anxiety. It also sounds like you are coping with so much that underneath all of this is a very anxious feeling that is stopping you from feeling how you want to. I’m wondering what it would be like to get some help and support from your doctor. They can offer help to manage and reduce the anxiety that you are experiencing. The techniques and strategies to help you cope with anxiety could also be used when you start university. This can start with writing about some of the difficult levels of anxiety your experience to help you communicate with your doctor. Take a look at our pages about anxiety - I think these could really help you.

University can feel like a big change to your life and I can hear that you are thinking about how this could impact on your relationship and whether the relationship is right for you at this time.

Sexuality is a very natural part of what it means to be a person. There is no right or wrong way to feel. It's okay to not be sure about your sexuality. Sometimes it can take time and patience to learn about yourself and what you want and need from a relationship.

You’ve been so open and honest in your letter and maybe that is a really good first step towards getting extra support in your life. There is always a ChildLine counsellor waiting to talk to you, who can offer you ongoing emotional support, you never need to feel on your own, you always have the support of ChildLine.

Take care,


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