Ask Sam letter

Hi,

Thanks for your letter. You’ve told me that you are worried about what your friends and family might say if you tell them that you are transgender and attracted to both girls and boys.

I’m glad that you feel able to tell me about how you feel. You mentioned that it’s really hard for you being at an all-girls school. I imagine it might be difficult being surrounded by girls when you identify as male. I’m also aware that puberty can also be a particularly tough time for transgendered people. Being 12, your body might be going through some changes which might also feel difficult right now.

You said that you would like help and I can hear that you are starting to feel ready to open up about this. At the same time, perhaps you're not sure yet who to talk to. There is no wrong or right time to tell other people about your sexuality or gender identity. What’s most important is that you feel comfortable when you do decide to tell anyone and that you don’t feel forced or pressurised into anything by anyone else.

For some people coming out to friends and family goes well and smoothly. For others it’s not that simple. Remember that you can choose who you want to tell, and how much you want to tell them. It might help to start with one or two people that you really trust. You could even try raising the subject of transgender issues with them in a more general way, by talking about a story in the news or something you’ve heard at school. If there response to that is fairly positive, it might give you more confidence to talk about your own feelings.

You might find it useful to look at the sexuality and gender identity message boards - here you can read about other young people’s experiences. Hopefully you will find our gender identity and sexuality pages useful too.  

The NHS also has a really great page on teenagers and gender identity. It’s got details about the medical & emotional support available to people who identify as transgender, as well as links to lots of other pages for young transgender people. If you’re not sure how to explain your feelings to other people, you might want to think about starting by sharing this page with then.

Writing this letter has been a really positive step to take and I’m really glad that you did. Don’t forget that ChildLine is always a safe space to talk. .You can call the counsellors for free (even from a mobile) on 0800 1111 or you can log in for a 1-2-1 chat or send an email.

Take care,

Sam