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To Sam

Touching&sex

Dead Sam,

Theres this boy that's madly in love with me and I love him him too,there's times when we're just normal and times when he hits me. I really really like him,he's madly in love with me.
 
but,my parents don't know. Im still in high school,I'm in year 7 and he's in 8, he touches my bum and other parts. But he gets really angry when I don't listen to him, he forces me to do things.

He wants to have sex with me but I don't want to get pregnant. He got me into smoking cigarttes and now I can't stop , I'm scared if I say no,he kills me..

 please help xx

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Being in love can be a wonderful feeling and relationships should be built on trust and respect. They should be caring and warm, and although this boy says he is ‘madly in love’ with you he is also physically, emotionally and sexually abusive – and that doesn’t seem to add up. What he is doing is not right and it shouldn’t be happening. A good relationship doesn’t involve being hurt in this way.

Perhaps you can take a look at the This Is ABUSE website – they have a checklist which you can fill in. It can help you to take a step back and look at whether your relationship is healthy or not.

No one has the right to force you to do anything that you don’t want to. Having sex is a huge decision and if you don’t feel comfortable or ready to have sex with someone, then you shouldn’t feel like you have to do it. Your partner should care about you enough not to pressure you or make you do something you’re not happy about.

It’s common for people in an abusive relationship to have their confidence and self-esteem knocked down. This can mean they feel afraid of losing their partner, even when they are hurt by them. There can be a lot of very confusing feelings and it’s sometimes hard to see it when you’re in it. You deserve someone who doesn’t hurt you, and you don’t have to put up with it.

I can understand being too scared to say 'no', especially when you know that he hurts you already. I would suggest you get someone else involved who can help you decide what to do next. Talking to someone else about the situation may also mean that can talk to him for you, if you don’t feel able to do it yourself.  You’ve said your parents don’t know – if you trust them then you could think about telling them and asking for their help.

I know that it can be difficult to work through the mixed feelings that you may have, but you are very welcome to talk things through with a ChildLine counsellor. If you think that he needs help for the way he treats you, you could always get him to call Respect – an advice line for people who are abusive in relationships.

You have been really brave contacting me and being so open and honest about what is happening and I hope that you can get the support that you need and deserve.

Take care,
Sam

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