Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

Should I risk him for sex?

Hey sam, I'm having a tough time deciding something. There is this boy i really like and i know he really likes me and were kinda going out but to make it final he thinks we should sleep together first. Were both 17 and im happy to do it but also i am doubting weather or not its right to do so :s. I do love him and have almost lost him from my own stuptitidy so just a little advice would be great. Thanxs
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there

Thank you for writing to me.  You have said that that you are having a really tough time deciding something. You have told me that there is a boy you really like and you know that he really likes you too.  I can see that this boy is important to you and that you want the relationship to progress.

You say you are kind of going-out with one another, but to make it final he thinks you should sleep together first.  Maybe think about what you would like to happen to make the relationship final.

You have said that you are happy to do it, but you are also doubting whether or not it is the right thing to do. I get the impression that you have some mixed feelings about this which might be quite confusing for you.  You have said that you love him and have almost lost him from your own stupidity. It sounds like you might be being quite hard on yourself there.

You should not feel pressured in any way to have sex if you feel that it is something you are not ready for. Sex should be something that both people want, feel ready for and enjoy.  Please remember that this is your decision and that you are able to choose when it is right for you.  I am wondering how you feel about the idea of sleeping with him if you put the fact that he wants to have sex to one side?

I think it’s really great that you have written to me about this as it is an important decision and seeking advice from someone you can trust is a very good idea. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to get in touch with ChildLine to speak to a counsellor, either by phone on 0800 1111 or using the online 1-2-1 chat (which works like msn) and they can help you to think about what you want.

Maybe it would also be helpful for you to have a look at the Sex and relationships message board on the ChildLine website? This is a space where young people can share their experiences and advice.

You have said that you are both 17 and because you are both over the age of 16 you are legally allowed to have sex. If you do decide to have sex it is really important to practice safe sex.  Condoms are the only way to protect your self from pregnancy and diseases.  If you would like to know more about this you can contact Brook on 0808 802 1234 (open Mon- Fri 9am-7pm) or the Brook website.

Thanks,

Sam

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small.

Write me a letter