Ask Sam letter


To Sam

She's in danger.

My friend is being pressured by an older male outside of school for sex. He said that if she doesn't sleep with him, then he will hurt her. I'm scared. I have said that I can help her and we can contact police, ect. But she doesn't want me to. What should I do?
Ask Sam



Thank you for your letter.

I can hear that you’re very worried about your friend and I’m really glad that you decided to write to me. It does sound scary that she’s being threatened. It’s understandable that you’re frightened and want to be able to help her.

It’s wrong for anyone to pressure another person to have sex when they don’t want to - this is a form of sexual abuse. No-one has the right to make anyone do something sexual that they don’t want.

When someone is threatening to hurt us if we don’t do what they say, it can feel like we have no choice. But there are always choices, no matter what someone says. And even if you’ve said yes to what they asked at first, it’s OK to change your mind.

Sometimes things can be too big to sort out on our own. It feels very important for you to tell an adult about what’s happening so you can get help to protect your friend. Perhaps there’s a family member or a teacher at school that you could both talk to?

I can hear that your friend has said she doesn’t want to talk to the police. It may be that she’s very scared about what will happen if she did tell someone. Threatening and pressuring someone until they feel scared is against the law, so the police should take the situation very seriously. It would be their job to keep your friend safe from this man. Victim Support are a charity that support people affected by crime. Your friend could talk to them in confidence about what might happen if she goes to the police.

I imagine that it’s a great reassurance to your friend that you’re there for her and she can talk to you. It’s important that you have the space to talk about what this is like for you too. When we’re worried about a friend it can make us feel sad and frightened. I wonder what it would be like for you to talk to a ChildLine counsellor directly. Maybe you could encourage your friend to chat to them too?

There are different ways to talk to a counsellor at ChildLine. You can log on to have a 1-2-1 chat (which works like instant messenger), you can ring 0800 1111 for free, or you can send an email.

Take care


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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