Ask Sam letter


To Sam


if i finger my girlfend dose that count as sex were both 13 and girls ??
Ask Sam


Hi there,

What counts as sex can be a confusing subject for young people, so well done for being brave enough to ask this question.

Sex is any kind of sexual touching or activity between people of the same or opposite sex. This includes touching or kissing the private parts (penis or vagina) of another person. What people describe as being 'sex' will be different for everyone. Although what you’ve described is definitely sexual, whether you call it sex is up to you.

Before getting sexual, it’s a good idea to consider these things:

  • Are you ready to have sex? 
  • How could it affect you physically and emotionally?
  • What does the law say?

In the UK, the age at which it’s legal to have sex is 16. This is the same whether you're both the same gender or different.

This law is there to protect young people from sexual abuse, so two people under the age of 16 are unlikely to get into trouble so long as there’s no abuse or exploitation and they’re of a similar age. Whatever your age, it’s not okay to be pressured into doing anything you don’t want and you don’t have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or scared.

We have more information about sex, relationships and contraception which you may find helpful. You can also read more about sex and relationships on the Brook website. If you like you can also speak in private to a ChildLine counsellor. You might also want to have a look at our message boards to see what other young people have to say.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

Ask me a question

You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.

Write me a letter