Ask Sam letter


To Sam



I keep thinking about sex and  relationships and i really want a boyfriend but i cant seem to get one because i am unpopular and quiet, i dont know why but i really want to have sex and i am not sure whether this is normal

please help me

Ask Sam



Thank you for writing to me. You have mentioned some really important things about sex and relationships.

You said that you have thought about sex and want to have sex but you are wondering whether this is normal. It is quite normal for any person, especially when they are going through puberty to think about or be curious about sex.

It is OK to want to have sex but there can be a few things to think about. It's important to make sure that you have safe sex and use contraception that will make sure you reduce the risk of catching sexually transmitted infections. Contraception will also reduce the risk of pregnancy.

The age of consent can also be important. In the UK you must be 16 to have sex, so if you are under this age it is important to keep in mind that this would be against the law. The law is there to protect young people and to try to keep you safe.

It is also important that if you do have sex with someone that you feel comfortable and not pressurised. No one has the right to make you do anything you do not want to. It might be helpful to have a look at the information about Sex and relationships in Explore. Brook is another organisation which is really helpful to get some more information on things like sex, relationships, frequently asked questions and your rights.

You said that you would really like a boyfriend but can’t seem to get one because you feel you are unpopular and quiet. It is really important to know that you do not have to be popular and loud to get a boyfriend. You shouldn’t have to change who you are as there is nothing wrong with being quiet and not the most popular person in school. Sometimes it can be right to wait until you find the right person, who will like you for who you are.

If you really would like a boyfriend perhaps you could think of meeting new people, like joining a youth group.

Maybe you would like to talk more about these things with a ChildLine counsellor who will be there to listen to you and support you. ChildLine has a free helpline on 0800 1111 which you could call and will not appear on the phone bill. Alternatively you could go online to have a 1-2-1 chat which is a bit like instant messenger.

Well done for writing to me.

Take care,


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